Once Upon A Time
by ficklemagics
Summary: Once upon a time, Kikyo had believed — as had Inuyasha — that love could conquer all. Look where she is now. Kikyo-centric. Drabble.


Sometimes she wonders why she bothers.

Kikyo's skin is cold; her tongue tastes nothing; her eyelashes are made of dust and dirt and everything is _fake._ She is dead, to the world and to herself.

But Naraku isn't. Inuyasha isn't. And that _girl_ isn't.

Sometimes Kikyo happens upon their odd little group — so close-knit, so familiar with each other, so close to a family Kikyo begrudges them for it — and watches.

Not Inuyasha, but the _girl._

Seeing _the girl_ is like staring into a shattered mirror. Perhaps if the cracks would simply fill in, then Kagome would be Kikyo and Kikyo would be Kagome. But neither girl wishes for the cracks to reconcile, for that would make them equals. Which they are not, but sometimes Kikyo wonders if it would be simpler if they were.

Kikyo presses a hand to that old wound — the wound her reincarnation had so carefully, so desperately healed that one time underwater as if by mending the cracks in Kikyo's clay body she could mend the soul trapped inside — and laughs to herself, an odd, sarcastic smile on her face that had never before made an appearance; not before her resurrection.

(Once upon a time, Kikyo had fancied herself a simple woman.

She hadn't hoped for a prince to magically take an interest in her, sweeping her off into a castle on a hill where she'd never again be a common woman. She hadn't considered herself a dragon slayer, nor a brave and selfless heroine who would sacrifice herself for the greater good. She hadn't believed herself noble or particularly important in the grand scheme of things. Kikyo was merely the jewel's current guardian. There would be another.

Put it in the hands of the wrong guardian, however, and Kikyo would be resurrected and forced to hunt down the shattered pieces of the jewel. She knows that now.)

She walks across the grass field, ignoring the road that the villagers traveled over. The road doesn't lead to Naraku, so why bother?

(Once upon a time, Kikyo had been helplessly naive.

She had looked into Inuyasha's amber eyes — those deep pools of emotion that had spoken of such loss and tragedy that the priestess in Kikyo had wished to heal him, had foolishly presumed she _could_ heal him — and believed that love would be the answer, that love could conquer all. That, if Inuyasha were willing to sacrifice his greatest dream for love, then that would be a pure wish.

Love is not enough. She knows that now.)

Kikyo wonders about Inuyasha, asks herself if he has become wiser while away from the world. She knows he has not.

She cannot begrudge him for it.

(Once upon a time, Kikyo had fancied herself a simple woman, with simple, harmless desires. And if her simple, harmless desires could rid the world of the cursed jewel, then who was she to complain?

But even though all altruism is selfish, no selfishness could ever even pass for altruism. She knows that now.)

Kikyo stares across the field towards the direction in which her reincarnation is, intuitively _knowing_ her relative location if not the girl's exact one. She conjures an image of the girl in her mind's eye, those big, too-bright eyes and her wide, too-innocent smile. Kind and naive, caring and ignorant.

Her reincarnation gives too much of herself to others, just as Kikyo had. Too selfless, just as Kikyo had been. Too naive, just as Kikyo had been in that strange other-life, in those blurry memories of times long gone when the jewel had been whole and everything seemed much simpler.

But now Kikyo is dead, and Kagome — Kagome the naive, Kagome the selfless, Kagome the caring, Kagome the ignorant; Kagome, the Kikyo who is not Kikyo — cannot be Kikyo because Kikyo is dead.

And none of it would matter, really, if Inuyasha hadn't loved (still love) Kikyo.

( _Once upon a time..._ )

Once upon a time, Inuyasha had loved Kikyo and Kikyo had treasured that love above all else.

Once upon a time, Kikyo had believed — as had Inuyasha — that love could conquer all.

Look where she is now.

Now she knows, and still she suffers.


End file.
